Do Re ME

Wow, I'm so excited!!! I finally have my own blog...I have arrived. The last few days, my head has been so full of so many thoughts and the truth is I just don't have the energy to sit and write anymore like I used to. So, I thought I have to start a blog. I can collect my thoughts, and if any one cares enough to read it (and I let them) that's a bonus! So here I am.



I continue to surprise myself. I think I have things all figured out and then BOOM, I'm in a heap again. My meltdowns never last long and I always get something out of them. I'm entitled to a meltdown every once and awhile, aren't I? After all, I'm strong all the time. I have to be...it's hard to raise two kids without alot of strength especially when you're on your own. However, you don't really think about it...you just do what you have to do to keep it all together and it works...99.9% of the time. So every 60-90 days you need a good cry, a good boo hoo session and that's exactly what I do. Most of the time these meltdowns amount to nothing more than 90 seconds of tears in my pillow, in the dark, alone and then a deep breath, a lot of prayer, and the next thing I know the alarm clock is ringing and I'm back to myself....SUPERWOMAN. Off to work where I do a darn good job of keeping it all together there too...probably better than I do at home. I'm appreciated and I have alot of influence over daily matters and perceptions. I love my job, love my boss even more. Not as much as I love being a mom (obviously). My kids are awesome, they keep me laughing and their unconditional love keeps me going.



So, I have a lot going for me...two great kids, an awesome family, a great job, a good boss...so why is it that I think I need more? I just can't imagine living the rest of my life without a partner to share it with. It's so fulfilling to love someone, not to mention being loved by someone, but it's the loving of someone that is most important to me. I thrive on that. I don't know if that is a reflection of my past (My mom was an unbelievable caretaker...and still is). I want to be someone's rock...I want someone to care so much for me that they are willing to risk emotional suicide to let me in. Is this realistic? I know that I look at the world differently than most. Each day is such a gift, and life happens with or without you...bad stuff happens, oh well, it's miniscule in the scheme of things....drop it...move on...focus on the positive....see the good in people even when they don't...dont' be afraid to love....love 100% ALL OF THE TIME....what is it that everyone is so afraid of? I know love can hurt, but no more than never having it hurts!